What's in a name?

Lady in Car: What are you gonna name it?
Alison Bradbury: What?
Lady in Car: The baby.
Alison Bradbury: [realizing she's faking being pregnant] Oh, the baby. Well, if it's a girl, Cynthia, and if it's a boy, Elliot.
Lady in Car: Those are lovely names.
Walter (Gib) Gibson: Elliot? You're gonna name the kid Elliot? No, you can't name the kid Elliot. Elliot is a fat kid with glasses who eats paste. You're not gonna name the kid Elliot. You gotta give him a real name. Give him a name. Like Nick.
Alison Bradbury: Nick?
Walter (Gib) Gibson: Yeah, Nick. Nick's a real name. Nick's your buddy. Nick's the kind of guy you can trust, the kind of guy you can drink a beer with, the kind of guy who doesn't mind if you puke in his car, Nick!
[Alison looks disgusted]
Walter (Gib) Gibson: [to Lady in Car] Oh, vomit. I'm sorry. Vomit.

What IS in a name? These days I am really not sure. The names people give their children fucking amaze me. Very few people in America are going with traditional American names (the one's borrowed from our days on THE continent). Names such as John, Fred, Joseph, James, Mary, Anne, Sarah, etc. You know...the judeo-christian-anglo shit that we have been naming our children for centuries. For many generations the only names we thought were odd were immigrant names like Giuseppi, Pierre, Antonia, Lucia, and Jesus....NO...Hay-zeus....not Jesus...and who the fuck can get away with naming their kid Jesus? The latinos can. Why? Who knows...it is an enigma of sorts. Black American's were the first to seperate themselves from traditional anglo names. I guess I understand the fact that they no longer wanted to name their children the names that former slave owners bestowed upon their families for generations. Names such as Hank, Tom, John Henry, and Harriet have all but disappeared. The names of African-Americans in American literature are gone. Today the names are mind-boggling. Names like D'Anderique, Rajerion, Deontae, Germicia, Sequinthia, Lemunia, Sharquincia, Quinflukia, and Shontae are enough to leave not only white people, but ALL people speachless. And white people are naming their children more and more after the bullshit that they see in the movies. I believe it all started in the early 1970's. The fucking hippies began this shit by naming their kids Star, Moon, and Rainbow. Suburban middle-class white folks also wanted to seperate themselves from all the masses by getting creative with names that they saw on television. Hollywood writers got bored with always naming their characters Jim and Maryanne so they started naming them Shawna and Jennifer and Jason. Today these names make up half of the people I know. I bet I know 37 Jennifers and 190 Jasons. Today the trend is continuing. Half of the white kids in this country under the age of 15 are named after the characters on that cheerful little show we all love called "Friends". Personally I hated that fucking show so those names irritate me even more. I refuse to even repeat the names because I will be an outcast in society for offending all of my friends who named their kids those names. I will be an untouchable or undesirable as people in India call their misfits. And the same rings true for black America...How many kids in 10 years will be named Shaquille, LaBron, and Barak? Well, I am not really sure, but I would bet the house that it is going to be monumental. As for me, if I ever have kids they will be named old family names. Rather than name my son Sue (which I would rather do...but won't), I will probably go with Hubert Franklin. Yeah..yeah...go ahead and laugh. He will get his ass kicked a few times but it will make him tougher. It was my grandfather's and uncle's name and they are dead. I will call him Hugh.

10 Most Dispicable Americans 2010 (non politician category)

10- Jeff Zucker- President and C.E.O. NBC Universal Entertainment

Pros: Small town All-American guy. Grew up in Homestead, Florida. Attended Harvard University. Worked his way up through the ranks at NBC. Cancer survivor and devoted husband and father of four.

Cons: Puppet whore for parent company General Electric. Sold out his former best friend and college roommate Conan O'Brien.

Bottom Line: Where does one begin? Mr. Zucker has successfully run NBC into the ground. Is it his fault? No. But he gets the blame for his 5 million dollar plus salary/comp package. He's the perfect puppet for brass at NBC/GE. Spineless and money hungry, Zucker gets to be the ass-clown for the globilization driven eco-friendly empire at General Electric. Before Mr. Zucker took the reigns, NBC controlled network television ratings from the Today Show to Nightly News to prime time to Late Night. Prime time shows such as The Cosby Show, Cheers, Seinfeld, Friends, Law and Order, ER, and dozens of other shows dominated the scene for 20 years. The ever-so greedy and money hungry folks at GE found their man in Zucker. The worst case against Zucker so far is when he screwed over his former best friend Conan during the Late Night shows dibacle of 2010. He never had the decency to even shoot straight with O'Brien. He ducked and ran and never answered his phone calls....(presumably). The "green" network better slide a bit to the right or eventually the center-right people of this country which make up 70% of their audience. Soon they will start to figure it out and choose not to watch at all....they may even choose to quit buying those ovens and appliances as well.

Sentence: No sentence for Zucker...we'll let him off for time served. Getting sodomized by the top-brass at GE has been hard enough for the guy.

I think my neighbor saw my pecker

Those who know me and know me well, understand that I undergo a transformation somewhere between beers number 6 and 8. It is like a molting process where I go from Ned Flanders to Homer Simpson in about 45 minutes. I don't know when or where all of this began, but it is obviously here to stay. Fortunately for myself and others around me, I rarely drink hard liquor. My mother says that I too immature to drink the hard stuff. Besides, beer gets me in enough trouble as it is...physically, emotionally, criminally, etc. About the only consolation to this is the fact that some 90% of my friends, family, and colleagues are on the same sinking ship that I have boarded. We all know the old "once you pee you break the seal" deal. Well, I am not sure if it is a shrinking bladder or enlarged prostate due to the aging process, but beer runs through me like shit through a goose. It is probably both, but I will probably never know because I will never have my prostate checked again since its' initial milking back in 2002. I will spare the reader the details.
Since Christian and I have moved into the new house I don't go out as often. I do not frequent my barstool at Canon Grill nor my space in the back corner of the Hillcrest Fountain on a nightly basis. I tend to do much of my drinking at...get ready for this...HOME. I have been spending some of my evenings drinking beers and cursing the news with my dog Zooey. Zooey sits and growls at the local wildlife and constantly begs to go outside for no reason but to irritate me. Every 30 minutes or so I give in and let her out...and this is when I go out to smoke and make sure she doesn't fall in the pool. And no, she can't swim. For some reason, the second that I light a cigarette and step outside, I have to urinate. Why? I'm not sure but I kinda covered that earlier. The problem that occurs is the fact that somewhere between my sixth and eighth beer, I lose all inhibitions and piss outside. Even though my bathroom is three meters away, I would rather go outside. Well, you see, I have neighbors...really nice neighbors. The all-american textbook neighbors. We'll call them...say Jim and Betty...They are such well-rounded goodie goodies that it is enough to make one vomit. They don't appear to drink, cuss, or do any of the things that make me an asshole. Complete with flower boxes in the windows and a bright and shiney Saturn in the driveway. Not to mention a Jesus statue in little Billy's bedroom window. Well, last week while I was taking the dog out and having a smoke I...whipped IT out... with smoke and beer and mister you-know who in hand. And in mid-backstretch, burp, and exhale...Betty saw my pecker. Yep, she was planting some flowers right at dusk. What did I do you might ask? I simply smiled and raised my beer. Here's to beer and here's to nice neighbors.

My first post on my new blog

I am obviously new to this and it will undoubtedly change as I go along. I hope that this blog will not only entertain, but educate as well. I will most likely talk about what annoys me as well as what makes me laugh. Stories will be told, old and new....some will be all out lies but most will be true.....this is only the beginning. Enjoy.