Top 10 Most Disgusting Hollywooder's

1. Sean Penn

Yes. Sean Penn is THE MOST DISGUSTING PERSON IN HOLLYWOOD. Hell, he may be the most disgusting person in the world in my opinion. A few people were actually put on this list just to piss YOU off. I selected a couple of these people strictly to make you laugh or maybe even just to make you think. But, Sean Penn is probably the biggest son-of-a-bitch on here. I really don't even feel like educating you on the reasons why he sucks so bad. So what was it that turned him into this foolish dick-monster? Perhaps it was his wealthy upbringing, his unequalled education from Santa Monica High School, or maybe he was raped by a fucking kangaroo. I don't really know or even give a shit. But, what I do know...is that he is the biggest fucking moron I've ever seen. He is the epitome of the Hollywood jackass. ***NOTE TO SEAN*** "you are an ACTOR...not a politician"! Sure, Ronald Reagan was an actor too. But, he went to college where he engaged in politics, played football, etc. Sean Penn has done nothing for this country. In previous posts on this subject, I at least gave credit where credit was due for certain celebrities who do charitable work. And I especially gave credit to those people have done so much for gay and lesbian rights. But I will not give Penn the same credit. And just because he played Harvey Milk in a movie does not mean shit. Saying shit doesn't mean shit if it is coming out of his big damn mouth. The main reason I cannot stand this guy is his penchant for totalitarianism and anti-semitism. His sucking up to Hugo Chavez whilst stomping on the core of his own country is despicable. His ignorant uneducated ass cozies up to murderous dictators and spits on the United States just to try to prove that his ideologies are the only correct ideologies to have. FOOL! His ability for critical thinking is like that of a retarded cow. Like I said...he's an actor. Guess what Sean? Nobody pays you to think or govern or spout public policy. They pay your sorry ass to act...that's it. Nothing else. So the bottom line is this...Sean Penn...You're an asshole. Either act and shut your ugly ass up or fucking kill yourself. You fucking loser!

Top 10 Most Disgusting Hollywooder's

2. Dave Matthews

What? Seriously? Dave Matthews? WTF? Why?????? I'll tell you why. Because it's my fucking list and I can put anyone I want on it that I want. And, to piss all of you off. You're all screaming as you read this. NOOOOOOOOO! Not Dave Matthews!!!! But, "I LOOOOVE HIM"!!!!!...you all say.... Well, Fuck you! I hate Dave Matthews. Why? Because he's a pussy. Where to begin??? Let's see. As I already said...he's a pussy. He is a typical far-left uneducated windbag. He's a draft dodger. A shitty actor. A mediocre musician. And he is an environmentalist hypocrite who shits on the environment more than all of us put together. And I'm not literally talking about the shit that he dumped in the Chicago River. I'm talking about the "save-the-trees" bullshit and the "get-rid-of-cows" bullshit because they fart too fucking much and their enormous carbon footprint trash. It's okay for him to travel 345 days per year by gas-guzzling tour buses and private jets while the rest of us morons pay him millions of dollars to walk and ride our fucking bikes. Yep! Have a nice flight Dave. No! Don't mind me...I'm fucking walking to work today. And, since I mentioned the Chicago thing, he did pay a mere 200 grand for dumping piss and turds all over a boat full of people and killing a few hundred fish. If his shit had landed in my grill...I would be in prison for murder...no doubt. Look...I'll be the first to admit. I once really liked this dickhead. I bought the albums...went to shows...etc. I used to engage in conversations with dumb bitches about things like "You know..Dave is really awesome...when I listen to him he makes me such a better person... I mean, he really speaks to me with his words...his songs are so sexy and full of life and intelligence". Okay! So I am exaggerating a bit...but, you see where this is going. ALL Dave Matthews conversations go this way. And this is just part of what drives me crazy about this fool. The rest is the fact that I know people who actually fucking cry when talking about his shows. They are all obviously mostly women...but really? Is that even fucking necessary? Travelling..and spending thousands of dollars per year...to go to concerts? And fucking cry about it? Well folks. The jury is IN. You're all fucking idiots. I don't know who is worse Dave? Or YOU fucking a-holes.

Top 10 Most Disgusting Hollywooder's

3. Lady Gaga

First things first...Lady Gaga is a Transvestite. And for all you guys who secretly bone up on this fucking retard...your days are numbered. It is only a matter of time before it all comes out. And the sad thing is...if that is what you are into...you can actually find much better looking trannies here in Little Rock. Oh, and...did I say retard? Yes, i did. We all know that one shouldn't make fun of the less fortunate...especially retarded and mentally challenged people. And that is not what I aim to do. But I truly think something is wrong with her. She's retarded. Plus...I seriously want to know....What freakin Donkey Show did they find this tramp? She was either plucked out of some dingy stank-ass backroom show in Tijuana or she/he literally fell out of the sky like those a-holes in the Terminator movies. Since I am not exactly sure what Gaga is...Gaga will be refered to as "SHE" until further notice. At first I really thought that she was a joke. I mean...this has all been done before? Right? I think David Bowie did this...and Madonna already did this whole re-invent yourself every few days kind of thing. Am I wrong? And that was like 25 years ago. I first saw her singing on TV one night...and all I could think of was..."Holy Shit! Is this a live-action band version of Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem"??? I really thought that she was supposed to be that chick guitarist that played with Dr. Teeth on the Muppets. But, unfortunately this was not the case. No Dr. Teeth and no Electric Mayhem....just a nasty ole tramp trying destroy the youth of our country. So...I guess that the only thing to do is boycott anything and everything Gaga. Otherwise, in 20 years our country will be gone...overwith...ka-put. Seriously...do it for all of mankind. You owe it, not only to this country, but the entire world.

Top 10 Most Disgusting Hollywooder's

4. Justin Bieber

To be honest with you...I had never heard of this fool till a few weeks ago. And...he probably doesn't deserve to be on this list. The reason being... that he really hasn't accomplished anything or tried to talk politics...yet. (presumably because he's from Canada...and we all know that Canada is nothing but a lame suburb of Minneapolis). He was put on this list because he is just the latest in a long line of teen sensation losers. Hundred bucks says that in ten years he'll be offering up hand-jobs for crack in some dark alley off Venice Beach. Just like the hundreds of teenie boppers before him...he is nothing but the product of uneducated white-trash parents looking for a "Deeeeluxe apartment in the Skyyyyyyhiihii"! My only real problem with him is his exaggerated sense of self worth. Him thinking that every woman in the world is dying over him...What is he like 14? With lyrics telling girls that he knows how to service them and how great of a lover he is. What? Seriously? And his constant throwing of gang signs around. For God's sake! Really? Somebody shoot him already...or better yet ME! My favorite thing about this jack-ass is how his management has been trying to get him to go to North Korea while on his "world tour"...saying that the political/nuclear stalemate between the world and North Korea "might could use a little Bieber". Yeah! That's it! Their people are living off of rice and eating fucking rats and all they need is a little Bieber. No seriously...somebody fucking shoot me!

Top 10 Most Disgusting Hollywooder's

5. Lindsay Blowhan

Don't lie! You knew that she would be on this list...and you wanted her on it as well. She should really be a little higher on the list, but honestly, nobody gives a shit whether she lives or dies. And if YOU do??? Then you belong on this list as well....only you're not famous and nobody gives a shit about you either. Truth is...she sucks. Lindsay is a whore...she's fucking ugly...she's a drug addict...and a worthless piece of shit. What has she ever done fore anybody or anything? Nothing. The worst part about it is at least some drug addicted celebrity whores were at least cool. Janis Joplin and Elizabeth Taylor come to mind...and hell, Paris Hilton is the biggest, but at least she's hot. Here's a tip Blowhan...doing drugs with your folks is not cool. It will inevitably turn you into a loser. Linday's case is the most annoying of all. Mom blames dad...dad blames mom...lindsay blames both...both blame lindsay...they all start sneaking around stealing each others money while hiding in closets smoking crack...yada yada yada. Exhausting. There is a solution and one solution only. It's called a loaded .357. Oh, and here's the best part...During the 2008 US presidential campaign, she offered her services to Barack Obama's election effort, including hosting events aimed at young voters... but her offer was declined. An unnamed source within the Obama campaign told the Chicago Sun-Times that Lohan was "not exactly the kind of high-profile star who would be a positive for us." She nonetheless posted MySpace blogs with her opinions on the election, urging voters to support Obama, criticizing media coverage of vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin, and describing Palin as homophobic, anti-abortion and anti-environmentalist. I mean..Sara Palin is an idiot, but really? Once again... an uneducated moron from Hollywood trying to "dip" into politics. That would be like me "dipping" into astrophysics. I know a bit about it...just not enough to tell the world when we are all going to get sucked up by a black fucking hole. Dumb bitch.

Top 10 Most Disgusting Hollywooder's

6. Thomas Mapother IV

Very little will be written about this douche-bag. Ole Tom. Tom Cruise. The more movies he makes...the more I hate him. The more interviews I see of him...the more I want to vomit. But, at the same time, he amuses me like nobody else in the world. But, he amuses me in the same way that I become giddy with excitement every time I see two homeless bums beating the shit out of each other. I mean...his ranting, his jumping on couches, his paranoia in interviews. Well...I guess that the paranoia is perhaps the funniest. It is like he is constantly living like he is in "The Invasion of the Body snatchers." Like he is surrounded by fucking Pod-people. Have you ever seen an red-carpet interview with him? It is hysterical. He always "sizes" the interviewer up like the interviewer is really one of those lizard people from "V" underneath all of that humanoid skin and make-up. What a fucking freak! That Scientology shit really fucked that brother up. Not much else to say...well except that his movies are shit. I threw all of the one's I had away years ago.

Top 10 Most Disgusting Hollywooder's

7. Oprah

Well, I guess that you all knew she would be on this list eventually. So let's get this one over with as soon as possible. Once again...she has done a tremendous amount of work for charity...but, my god! She is worth a fucking billion dollars. And every dollar she spends on charity she has to attach her name to it. (i.e. The Oprah Winfrey School for Girls in b.f.e Africa). In my opinion, she should probably do more. Look...I hate Ted Turner too...but at least he gave a billion dollars to the United Nations with no name on it and no strings attached. Oprah would have to have her name attached to the damn thing. I guess the reason that I despise her is that her name is on fucking everything. Everything from T.V. to books to magazines to radio. I can't get away from Oprah. Her fat-ass is EVERYWHERE! But the worst part of it is that her influence transcends everything in everyday life. People have called it the "Oprahfication" of America. The fact that she has as much influence as she does is really scary. See, the fact is, is that most Americans by nature are stupid. Not stupid by lack of intelligence, but stupid by laziness. Our laziness leads to our being influenced too much by other people. We are too lazy to read up on subjects and/or issues and allow other's to influence our lifestyles and opinions. The last straw was the amount of influence she had over the 2008 Presidential elections. An analysis by two economists at the University of Maryland, College Park estimated that Winfrey's endorsement was responsible for between 423,123 and 1,596,995 votes for Obama in the Democratic Primary alone. Nobody should have that much power over the public. Whatever Oprah reads...America reads. Whatever diet Oprah goes on...America tries it out. Whatever movies she likes...America likes. Whatever she tries and likes...well, it is a winner. If your company produces a widget...and Oprah don't like yo fuckin widget...BAMM! Bitch you outta business. At least some of it has come back to bite her on the ass. Most notably, in my opinion, was her Book Club's selection of "A Million Pieces of Shit"...by James Frey. He was a fraud. Another one was her proclaiming she would never eat beef again during the "mad cow" scare of 1996. She wound up costing beef producers 10's of millions of dollars. She was sued and the beef industry hammered her pretty hard. As I near the end of this entry I would just like to say one more thing. As much as you love Oprah...she doesn't give a shit about you. She wants your viewership. She wants your money. Nothing else. Now just think about that for a minute. Isn't that disgusting?

Top 10 Most Disgusting Hollywooder's

8. Rosie O'Donnell

First of all, I will go ahead and get this out of the way. Ok. She does do a lot for charity. That being said...would she give two fucking shits if she was not worth millions of dollars? No. She would not. Because every cent she would make would go to jelly rolls and Doritos. Rosie O'Donuts would have made it much higher on this list if she still worked on The View and we had to see her fat ass on the tele everyday. But fortunately for us she has disappeared for a while. Rosie literally wrote the book on "I have money and fame and I'll use it to spread my fucked up ideologies like herpes in a whore house". Before all of her major wealth and fame came to be...I could actually watch her. She had a few funny roles in movies such as "A League of Their Own" and "Beautiful Girls". She even made me laugh when she started "The Rosie O'Donnell Show" as she and Elmo would sing show tunes and crack jokes. I mean....who the hell doesn't like Elmo. But then she changed. She made millions, became famous, and started to throw her fat-ass weight and opinions around. It all started with her interview of Tom Selleck and his membership with the NRA (National Rifle Association). Then she started her rag of a magazine which she eventually left because she did not have enough editorial control. Basically she wanted to push her insane ideologies and her people chose against it. They all ended up suing each other and the rag folded. Of note was a former magazine colleague and breast cancer survivor who testified that O'Donnell said to her on the phone that people who lie "get sick and they get cancer. If they keep lying, they get it again". The sad thing is...is that her mother died of breast cancer when she was only 10 years old. Was she a liar? Not only is Rosie the one of the most insane people in the world...she is also one of the most ignorant. She then came "out of the closet". Like we had no idea you dumb bitch. And that was the last normal thing Rosie ever did. She became even more of a wacka-do in the following years. It all culminated when she joined that incredible "Think Tank" show...The View. As if they needed more intelligence in that brain-trust. First, she ran off co-host Star Jones (The only over educated host)because Star was too conservative. Her frequent attacking of co-host Elisabeth (far right host) and attacking former President Bush's domestic and foreign policy eventually led to her demise. The bottom line is that Rosie doesn't know shit about foreign or domestic policy of any kind...(not saying Bush knew much more). But it all proves one thing. Rosie is a discusting Hollywood bitch. Yeah, she's done a lot for kids and gay and lesbian issues...but, none of that outweighs her ignorance or her ass.

Top 10 Most Disgusting Hollywooder's

9.Kate Gosselin


Who? Who is Kate Gosselin? I'll tell you. She is that chick with the world's largest vagina. Oh yeah! THAT Kate Gosselin. Yep. She's the one who had not one but two fertilization treatments and chucked out 8 (count 'em...EIGHT) kids. Does she have a list of credits to her name like my boy Wesley Snipes? Well, no...but she is equally repulsive. For the simple reason that she used her kids for money and fame..and she has an abnormally large vagina. Sorry, I had to say that word again because I happen to think that it's funny. I bet that thing is like an elephant's you-know-what. Or like Borat would say "it's like wizard's sleeve". Enough with that talk...She is now working on her 5th reality show...she sleeps around...has nannies take care of the kids while she sluts around...has been rumored to appear in Playboy....etc.etc.etc. Not to mention....have you ever seen her photos before the 100's of thousands of dollars in plastic surgery? Yuck-o. That's all I can say about her. She's a moron.

Top 10 Most Disgusting Hollywooder's

10.WESLEY SNIPES

Number 10 on any list is relatively easy. Just pick some a-hole you can't stand and roll with it. With this list it was remarkably easy. Who is the a-hole? Well, none other than that jack-ass, leg-kicking, pimple-faced passenger 57. As a youngster I actually liked Wesley...afterall, he did play Willie Mays Hayes in the movie "Major League". But, as the years went on his roles became worse, his Hollywood head grew bigger, and I came to hate this moron. It must have all started with that bad-ass role of Nino Brown in "New Jack City" or possibly when he bleached his hair for "Demolition Man" and started a fashion trend made famous by Dennis Rodman and boy bands. But, in reality it started with his ridiculously short banana shorts in "White Men Can't Jump"...(not to mention his cute little co-star Woody...who by-the-way should be on this list). You add a few more of his screen gems like "Waiting To Exhale" and "Money Train" and it's enough to make you vomit. But the truth is...is Wesley's career ender and "money-shot" was his going drag and yucking it up in "To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar". But, all of this aside, these are not the reasons that he should be disposed of. The reason why he is dispicable is for his elitist attitude towards paying his taxes. In 2006 he was charged with one count of conspiring to defraud the United States and one count of knowingly making or aiding and abetting the making of a false and fraudulent claim for payment against the United States. Snipes was also charged with six counts of willfully failing to file Federal income tax returns by their filing dates. The government alleged that Snipes attempted to obtain fraudulent tax refunds using a tax protester theory called the "861 argument" (essentially, an idiodic argument that the domestic income of U.S. citizens and residents is not taxable). The indictment said Snipes used accountants who already had a history of filing false returns to obtain refund payments for their clients. The government also charged that Snipes sent three worthless, fictitious "bills of exchange" to the IRS in the amounts of $1,000,000 (on November 30, 2000), $12,000,000 (January 18, 2001), and $1,000,000 (September 10, 2002), with each accompanied by an IRS tax payment voucher coupon. Snipes said he was being made an example of and unfairly targeted by prosecutors because of his fame in connection with the federal tax fraud investigation. He attempted unsuccessfully to get the trial moved from Ocala, Florida on the ground that racist attitudes in that town would prejudice his chance for a fair trial. Yeah. That's it...you fucking dick! And after all of that...he was sentenced to a mere three years in prison. If it had been any of us...we would have recieved 12 years. But wait! It gets better. Now that Snipey is paying off his debts he is dead broke...and how do you earn a living while you're sitting in the klink? Well, he obviously can't act while he is being sodomized in the pen...so what to do? Sue somebody of course. That's right...he is suing New Line Cinema for not paying him enough for some stupid fucking vampire movie and because they cut some of his scenes and put his co-stars in too many scenes. Yep! So the point is...is if you ever go see another flick starring Wesley Snipes...well, you're a fucking moron.

Where Yat?

Perhaps the biggest bandwagon team in the history of sports is upon us. The New Orleans Saints are officially dead. The Saints teams that many of us in the south loved and/or loved to hate is now gone....but not gone forever I suppose. Give them a couple of sub-par years and the idiot sports fans of this country will jump ship as fast as they got on. This subject has been bothering me for the past few years now and I can no longer take it. Lets talk about some truths when it comes to this subject. The truth is.....that 98% of this country didn't give a shit about the New Orleans Saints before they started winning and especially before Hurricane Katrina. Even the biggest of all sports fanatics couldn't even name the starting quarterback for the Saints....The Ain'ts as their own fans refered to them were always the joke of not only the National Football League, but all of professional sports. These days ERRRY'BODY LUVS DA SAINTS! Everybody will tell you that they have ALWAYS LOVED THE SAINTS. Nobody....none of the 25 million bandwagonners....will admit they they are indeed bandwagonners. But here is another truth...None of these assholes can name at least THREE former quarterbacks, running backs, or linebackers who have previously play played for the AIN'TS. Some of you may argue that if that is indeed the case...that it is OK and it doesn't matter. WELL, IT IS NOT FUCKING OK! People like that are mindless idiots. Oh, but it gets worse. It seems as though every female in this country is now a Saints fan as well. They are the worst part of this problem...Suddenly these dumb bitches... who wouldn't know what cleats are, or even what the fucking word "pigskin" means, are goddamn experts on the Saints. "It's like...OMG..Kim Kardashian used to date that cute black guy #25"...and "OMG...Drew Brees is like SOOO hot..and he like gives toys and stuff to all those poor little kids whose houses are like still under water and stuff." They, like the other bandwagonners, think that just because they have visited New Orleans, that it automatically qualifies them as being a TRUE-DAT WHO-DAT fan. They honestly believe that the fact that they have been to Pat O'Briens or puked up hurricanes at the Tropical Isle that they are worthy. That one or two weekends in the "Big Easy" while attending a convention or stopping through to board some nasty fucking cruise ship on their honeymoon-of-a-lifetime to Cancun qualifies them. It doesn't..no matter how crazy you are...IT DOES NOT. In my opinion, only people that have at one time lived in the state of Louisiana, native Louisianians/gulf coasters, and fans of Archie Manning are allowed to be Saints fans. The rest of you fucking losers cannot. If you cannot pronounce Tchoupitoulas Street, never puked at The Audubon Tavern, or eaten lunch at Uglesich's...you can't be a fan. Period. Look...I am not an avid/rabid Saints fan..(Im' a Steeler fan)...but, I have always liked the Saints. And I do qualify. I lived in the state and did happen to puke at AT II's...But one thing is for sure these days...I am happy to NOT be the biggest Saint's fan on the planet. I can spell words like 'Go' without phonetically spelling them and putting cute little french twists on them. If it were not for all of you folks on the bandwagon...I could silently cheer for a great team and a great city like I have every year since I was a kid. Thanks people.

College Football Extravaganza-Big Bonanza-Stick it in your BIG FAT Canza

Vacations are over and I am back to my blog. And what better to write about than college football. I am a huge fan of college football. Not quite as huge as the Schmoo look-alike Bama fan above....but, pretty huge all the same. This year my team, Arkansas, has some fairly large expectations going into the season. All of the message-boards and sports radio shows are already going crazy. The only bad thing about the beginning of the football season is listening to the overzealous Razorback fans promise the world that the Hogs are going 14-0 and winning the National Championship. The truth is...is that ARKANSAS RAZORBACK FOOTBALL FANS ARE THE MOST IGNORANT FANS IN THE COUNTRY. Yep! You heard it here first. Hogs fans have absolutely no idea what football is all about. They think that just because they played high school football in Lonoke, Bald Knob, Farmington, Mena, Bauxite, or any other little fucking hick town...that they KNOW football. A normal and/or smart football fan knows his/her teams' limitations. They HOPE for the best, but expect to be competitive and play hard. For example...Alabama, Penn State, and Nebraska fans know and accept when their teams are down. And yes, these programs have had down years over the last decade. They will tell you, while not overly happy, that their team has holes and there have been some positional recruiting gaffes. But they will admit and accept that their team may go 7-5 and go to a mediocre bowl with absolutely no chance at a conference championship. BUT, their team will still show up, try hard, and hit hard. Arkansas fans are different. They have HUGE chips on their shoulders....like "what do you mean we will go 7-5".."We will kill Florida this year"...and "If we don't go 10-2 and go to the BCS, then fire every fucking coach up there!" This year is no different. The fans think that every single position player is an All-American and that the Hogs will win the National Championship....and 10-2 or 9-3 is a miserable waste. The truth is....Arkansas, with a semi-favorable schedule and many very good returning skill players, has a chance to have a 10-2 or 11-1 caliber season. BUT, to me....10-3 including a bowl win would be great....and anything better would be a wonderful and exiting year. Razorback fans see their program as being in the same caliber as USC, Ohio State, Florida, and Texas....year in and year out. They think that everytime the Hogs lose....the refs fucked them out of it. It has been this way for years. They also can't ever believe that the recruiting services and websites consistantly rank Arkansas between numbers 17-35 on a year to year basis. They believe that any kid that signs with Arkansas should be ranked at least four stars if not five. They call into the radio shows every fall and demand to know why the Razorbacks are not recruiting some dumb hick kid from their hometowns like Arkadelphia or Blytheville. They argue stupid shit like..."Why ain't the Razorbacks recruiting ole' Billy Bumpkin from over here in Dequeen? This kid is special! He's scored 18 touchdowns already this year." WELL JACK-ASS! I'll tell you WHY! Because little Billy Bumpkin is only 5'6" and weighs 155 pounds soaking wet....he runs a 4-9 Forty....has a vertical leap of 11 inches....and can't benchpress a pumpkin. Well, enough venting for now..but here are some predictions...
ACC-Atlantic Division
FLA ST.
BOSTON COLLEGE
CLEMSON
NC ST
WAKE FORREST
MARYLAND

ACC-Coastal Division
VA TECH
GA TECH
NORTH CAROLINA
MIAMI
DUKE
VIRGINIA

Big 12-North
NEBRASKA
KANSAS ST.
MIZZOU
KANSAS
COLORADO
IOWA ST>

Big 12-South
OKLAHOMA
TEXAS
TEXAS AM
OKLAHOMA ST.
BAYLOR
TEXAS TECH

Big lEast
PITT
WEST VIRGINIA
UCONN
CINCINNATI
RUTGERS
LOUISVILLE
SOUTH FLORIDA
SYRACUSE

Big 10-err 11
OHIO ST.
IOWA
PENN ST.
WISCONSIN
MICHIGAN
MICHIGAN ST.
PURDUE
NORTHWESTERN
INDIANA
MINNESOTA
ILLINOIS

PAC-10

OREGON
USC
ARIZONA
STANFORD
CALIFORNIA
OREGON ST.
UCLA
ARIONA ST.
WASHINGTON
WASHINGTON ST.

SEC EAST

FLORIDA
SOUTH CAROLINA
GEORGIA
KENTUCKY
TENNESSEE
VANDERBILT

SEC WEST

ALABAMA
ARKANSAS
AUBURN
LSU
MISSISSIPPI
MISS ST.

Best of the rest....
BOISE ST.
TCU
BYU
SMU
HOUSTON
UTAH
NOTRE DAME
NEVADA
CENTRAL MICHIGAN
NORTHERN ILLINOIS
NAVY

Lazy Fuck-tards

At the beginning of each month I make my daily rounds to the Post Office at 17th and Main Streets in Little Rock. And at the beginning of each month I get to witness the one thing in this world that truely sets me the fuck off. I see long lines of people waiting to enter the post office to get their check. Yep....that big ole gub'ment welfare check. Welfare is not the reason that this irritates me per se, but the people recieving them and for what reasons they are on welfare to begin with. Don't get me wrong, I really do hate our welfare system. I hate it for the same reasons that I hate snakes and spiders. I mean, I realize that they are necessary, but boy do they fucking suck. And before you start getting steamed up...just give me a moment to explain. See, the truth is, welfare is needed to some degree. I am all for subsidizing certain peoples income levels in this country. Take a single mother with a college education and four kids for example. Maybe her husband hauled ass to Mexico with his secretary and left her to look after the kids. If she is working a 9 to 5 and cannot afford to feed, clothe, and provide child-care, she should be subsidized. All cases should be appropriated on a case by case basis. If a young girl has four kids from four different men and no education, then put stipulations on her. I realize we can't let her children starve. It is not their fault...they are just a product of their environment. I think that we, and our government should take care of three groups of people. Period. We should look after our nations children, disabled, and elderly. But the rest of these fucking people need to go. I mean...get the fuck out of here with your lazy asses. Every month when I pull up to the post office I see dozens of able-bodied people getting those checks. MY FUCKING CHECKS. I fucking paid for them! I see plenty of teenage girls hauling four screaming kids to check their P.O. Boxes. I also see dozens of 20-30 year old men driving their granmamma's up to the curb and walking them inside. You want to know why? Because granmamma is going to start handing out cash as soon as it gets to the bank. THAT my friends should piss you off. And if it doesn't...you fucking suck too. Everytime I pull up to an intersection and see some jack-ass holding a sign for food I get irritated. For instance, my friend Scott Wheetley and I were stopped by a vagrant while walking out of the Hillcrest Fountain a fews years back. He was a white guy, in his late twenties, and asked us for some money. When we refused, he responded by saying FUCK YOU! Really? Fuck ME? Listen here faggot! Get a fucking job you fucking loser! Why can't a healthy young guy get a job? Cause he is a lazy fuck. If these people are hungry they can get a hot meal and a shower at the Union Rescue Mission. But they won't go there because you have to be sober to be allowed to enter. And there lies another problem...the drugs...but we will save that one for another day. Why in the hell can't these people work? Because they are fucking lazy....AND because they don't have to. They don't have to because we have made it so easy for them to live sufficiently without having to do a goddamn thing. And I know that those reading this think that I am only talking about black people. I am talking about them but I am also talking about white people and hispanics as well. Because this actually is NOT a black problem. It is a problem for all of America's poor. We have made it a problem by giving them handouts for sixty years. People have no incentive to work. Why fucking work when you can get things for free. As for solutions to this...well, I really don't know. I would like to sterilize welfare recipients and drug test them. That would be a start. Take a piss test and you can get your check. And If you do not hold down a job...then no money for you. You have to work to get a check...any kind of check. No more sitting around the house or walking around the neighborhood all day. Get to work you lazy fuck-tards!

"Don't Cry for Me Argentina"

I have decided to write about the World Cup for this weeks blog. And when talking FOOOOTball, who better to write or talk about than that lovable piece-of-shit Diego Maradona. Yes, THAT Diego Maradona. The "Hand of God" Maradona. The "cocaine and whiskey soaked" socialist asshole Maradona. And yes, he is back to his old tricks again in South Africa, this time as the coach of Argentina. Only one week into the tournament and he has already vowed to run naked through the streets if they win the cup....OH, and he has also already run over a reporter with his car. Let's go back a bit. As many people already know... Diego was, at one time, the greatest player in the world. He was an international junior star, a world cup winner, and one of the first millionaire players. With that being said, not everyone knows about what a historic piece of shit he was and is. He was a cheater, a criminal, a coke-head, and an unapologetic socialist tyrant. Those who are even the most casual of soccer fans like myself, know Maradona for the "Hand of God". This "Hand of God" occured in the 1986 World Cup match against England. The match was emotional for both sides because of the earlier Faulkland Islands War between the two countries just a few years before. The "War", if thats what you want to call it saw the British stomp the ever-living shit out of a much inferior Argentine military. It was more of a conflict that saw Argentina flex it's girly muscles just long enough for the Brits to throw some lead, laugh, and threaten to call in Ghurkah regiments to finish the job. As predicted, Argentina folded and cried all the way home to do what they do best....tango and play soccer. Well you see... what happened was...in the heat of the match, Maradona broke free from defenders, slipped into the box, and PUNCHED the ball into the net. That is what they call a HAND BALL. And yes, it is illegal in soccer. The worst part, other than not being called, was the fact that he later admitted to doing it on purpose. It was the only way to get the ball into the net...by cheating. Soccer is not the only thing he cheats in. It was also recently reported that he still owes over 37 million euros in back taxes in Italy. Should we give the guy a break? He did own up about the goal against England and he did repay 42,000 and a couple of watches for the back taxes. I say hell no. Let's see...Should we talk about his legendary cocaine abuse and affinitiy for prostitues? Sure we can. Next to maybe Waylon Jennings and Pablo Escobar, Maradona was probably the biggest coke-head on the planet. He finally tried to turn that side of his life as well...only to go to rehab in Cuba and be photographed snorting rails with a whore while in the facility. Also, while in Cuba he became best buds with Fidel himself. He now sports tatoos of Castro and uber-fuck Che Guevara. Over the last few years he has cozied up to Hugo Chavez as well. He went on-air with Chavez in Venezuela cursing The United States saying... "I hate everything that comes from the United States. I hate it with all my strength." Well, the man is entitled to his opinion but that still doesn't make up for the fact that he is still an uneducated loser fuck. So...I guess what it all comes down to...it will all be played out this summer in South Africa...on his stage...The World Cup. And my bet is that win or lose, there will be Diego Maradona, with a zulu hooker...naked and honking up three foot rails of whiff with a vuvuzela...crying and wanting the world to give him another chance.

The Ugly Truth

I, like many of you, hate ugliness. I hate ugliness in politics, nature, humanity, and well, pretty much all of the ugliness in the world. But what truely sets me the fuck off is the ugliness that we can truely do something about. That would be getting rid of all of the ugly people in the world. Yep, that's it! Just breed those ugly fuckers right off the face of the Earth. It should be a crime against humanity for two hideously ugly people to procreate and make an even uglier baby. Why? Because these poor unfortunate people have actually no chance in life. It will be even harder for them to find someone special. In fact, with every procreation of an ugly couple, it makes it more and more difficult for their children to lead normal, happy and productive lives. I honestly think that it is sad in many ways. These kids grow up feeling left out and wishing they were someone else. If you were to hire someone for a new position in your office, would you hire a mildly retarded hot blond or an intelligent fugly sea-donkey? Uhhhh.....uhhhhh....yep! But the saddest part is the fact that their chances of finding a mate at some point in their lives is reduced exponentially. And why? Because the truth is....nobody likes to look at an ugly person all day. Not even ugly people. See, the point is, even a discustingly ugly person thinks he/she is somewhat attractive...but in no way do they think that the booger-eating mess sitting next to them is attractive AT ALL. The solution to this is simple. Make it illegal for them to have children. (This is also my solution to stupid people but I will save that for another day). Sterilize them all, and in return for their suffering, give them great government jobs with excellent benefits. Just send them to work in one of those NORAD bunkers buried in some mountain in Colorado Springs and be done with them. All of this, and in return, we get to go about our lives seeing prettiness everywhere. Then I can live without feeling bad for these people and not have to lose my appetite everytime I leave the house.

Silly Kids

I used to hate kids. Why? It's simple. They are little fucking brats. You have to do EVERYTHING for them. You have to feed them, bathe them, tie their shoes, and wipe their asses. I once told a girl at Ray Winder Field, while I was parking, to tell her kid to get his greasy fucking hands off of my BMW. Another time I poured a beer over the head of my niece Drew, when she was four, for messing with my shoes under the table. My dear twin sister has had many words with me over the years about how I refer to her children. But, I have come to learn that kids can be pretty cool. In many ways, kids are a lot like dogs...or even dolphins for that matter. They're real hams. The honesty that they bring, while frightening at times, is wonderful. They will tell you what you do or do not want to hear. They'll tell you how fat your ass looks in those jeans, how that comb-over looks stupid, how bad your grandmother's spaghetti really sucks, or simply how much they adore you. They adore you because they need you. In the same way that your dog needs you for your for grooming, feeding, watering and throwing toys that actually squeak. (They'll need you until they either get their tuition cut off for getting pulled over with a bong in the back seat or they get married and start having kids of their own). Also, kids like attention...and like I said...they'll really ham it up. Acting silly and doing stupid yet mildly entertaining tricks are what they are all about. But it is when you ARE NOT watching or paying attention that they really become cool. It is at this point that their real self begins to show. The funny and sweet parts start to really come out. This is where children are at their best. When they are no longer pretending and just being. Just being....well, cool.

What's in a name?

Lady in Car: What are you gonna name it?
Alison Bradbury: What?
Lady in Car: The baby.
Alison Bradbury: [realizing she's faking being pregnant] Oh, the baby. Well, if it's a girl, Cynthia, and if it's a boy, Elliot.
Lady in Car: Those are lovely names.
Walter (Gib) Gibson: Elliot? You're gonna name the kid Elliot? No, you can't name the kid Elliot. Elliot is a fat kid with glasses who eats paste. You're not gonna name the kid Elliot. You gotta give him a real name. Give him a name. Like Nick.
Alison Bradbury: Nick?
Walter (Gib) Gibson: Yeah, Nick. Nick's a real name. Nick's your buddy. Nick's the kind of guy you can trust, the kind of guy you can drink a beer with, the kind of guy who doesn't mind if you puke in his car, Nick!
[Alison looks disgusted]
Walter (Gib) Gibson: [to Lady in Car] Oh, vomit. I'm sorry. Vomit.

What IS in a name? These days I am really not sure. The names people give their children fucking amaze me. Very few people in America are going with traditional American names (the one's borrowed from our days on THE continent). Names such as John, Fred, Joseph, James, Mary, Anne, Sarah, etc. You know...the judeo-christian-anglo shit that we have been naming our children for centuries. For many generations the only names we thought were odd were immigrant names like Giuseppi, Pierre, Antonia, Lucia, and Jesus....NO...Hay-zeus....not Jesus...and who the fuck can get away with naming their kid Jesus? The latinos can. Why? Who knows...it is an enigma of sorts. Black American's were the first to seperate themselves from traditional anglo names. I guess I understand the fact that they no longer wanted to name their children the names that former slave owners bestowed upon their families for generations. Names such as Hank, Tom, John Henry, and Harriet have all but disappeared. The names of African-Americans in American literature are gone. Today the names are mind-boggling. Names like D'Anderique, Rajerion, Deontae, Germicia, Sequinthia, Lemunia, Sharquincia, Quinflukia, and Shontae are enough to leave not only white people, but ALL people speachless. And white people are naming their children more and more after the bullshit that they see in the movies. I believe it all started in the early 1970's. The fucking hippies began this shit by naming their kids Star, Moon, and Rainbow. Suburban middle-class white folks also wanted to seperate themselves from all the masses by getting creative with names that they saw on television. Hollywood writers got bored with always naming their characters Jim and Maryanne so they started naming them Shawna and Jennifer and Jason. Today these names make up half of the people I know. I bet I know 37 Jennifers and 190 Jasons. Today the trend is continuing. Half of the white kids in this country under the age of 15 are named after the characters on that cheerful little show we all love called "Friends". Personally I hated that fucking show so those names irritate me even more. I refuse to even repeat the names because I will be an outcast in society for offending all of my friends who named their kids those names. I will be an untouchable or undesirable as people in India call their misfits. And the same rings true for black America...How many kids in 10 years will be named Shaquille, LaBron, and Barak? Well, I am not really sure, but I would bet the house that it is going to be monumental. As for me, if I ever have kids they will be named old family names. Rather than name my son Sue (which I would rather do...but won't), I will probably go with Hubert Franklin. Yeah..yeah...go ahead and laugh. He will get his ass kicked a few times but it will make him tougher. It was my grandfather's and uncle's name and they are dead. I will call him Hugh.

10 Most Dispicable Americans 2010 (non politician category)

10- Jeff Zucker- President and C.E.O. NBC Universal Entertainment

Pros: Small town All-American guy. Grew up in Homestead, Florida. Attended Harvard University. Worked his way up through the ranks at NBC. Cancer survivor and devoted husband and father of four.

Cons: Puppet whore for parent company General Electric. Sold out his former best friend and college roommate Conan O'Brien.

Bottom Line: Where does one begin? Mr. Zucker has successfully run NBC into the ground. Is it his fault? No. But he gets the blame for his 5 million dollar plus salary/comp package. He's the perfect puppet for brass at NBC/GE. Spineless and money hungry, Zucker gets to be the ass-clown for the globilization driven eco-friendly empire at General Electric. Before Mr. Zucker took the reigns, NBC controlled network television ratings from the Today Show to Nightly News to prime time to Late Night. Prime time shows such as The Cosby Show, Cheers, Seinfeld, Friends, Law and Order, ER, and dozens of other shows dominated the scene for 20 years. The ever-so greedy and money hungry folks at GE found their man in Zucker. The worst case against Zucker so far is when he screwed over his former best friend Conan during the Late Night shows dibacle of 2010. He never had the decency to even shoot straight with O'Brien. He ducked and ran and never answered his phone calls....(presumably). The "green" network better slide a bit to the right or eventually the center-right people of this country which make up 70% of their audience. Soon they will start to figure it out and choose not to watch at all....they may even choose to quit buying those ovens and appliances as well.

Sentence: No sentence for Zucker...we'll let him off for time served. Getting sodomized by the top-brass at GE has been hard enough for the guy.

I think my neighbor saw my pecker

Those who know me and know me well, understand that I undergo a transformation somewhere between beers number 6 and 8. It is like a molting process where I go from Ned Flanders to Homer Simpson in about 45 minutes. I don't know when or where all of this began, but it is obviously here to stay. Fortunately for myself and others around me, I rarely drink hard liquor. My mother says that I too immature to drink the hard stuff. Besides, beer gets me in enough trouble as it is...physically, emotionally, criminally, etc. About the only consolation to this is the fact that some 90% of my friends, family, and colleagues are on the same sinking ship that I have boarded. We all know the old "once you pee you break the seal" deal. Well, I am not sure if it is a shrinking bladder or enlarged prostate due to the aging process, but beer runs through me like shit through a goose. It is probably both, but I will probably never know because I will never have my prostate checked again since its' initial milking back in 2002. I will spare the reader the details.
Since Christian and I have moved into the new house I don't go out as often. I do not frequent my barstool at Canon Grill nor my space in the back corner of the Hillcrest Fountain on a nightly basis. I tend to do much of my drinking at...get ready for this...HOME. I have been spending some of my evenings drinking beers and cursing the news with my dog Zooey. Zooey sits and growls at the local wildlife and constantly begs to go outside for no reason but to irritate me. Every 30 minutes or so I give in and let her out...and this is when I go out to smoke and make sure she doesn't fall in the pool. And no, she can't swim. For some reason, the second that I light a cigarette and step outside, I have to urinate. Why? I'm not sure but I kinda covered that earlier. The problem that occurs is the fact that somewhere between my sixth and eighth beer, I lose all inhibitions and piss outside. Even though my bathroom is three meters away, I would rather go outside. Well, you see, I have neighbors...really nice neighbors. The all-american textbook neighbors. We'll call them...say Jim and Betty...They are such well-rounded goodie goodies that it is enough to make one vomit. They don't appear to drink, cuss, or do any of the things that make me an asshole. Complete with flower boxes in the windows and a bright and shiney Saturn in the driveway. Not to mention a Jesus statue in little Billy's bedroom window. Well, last week while I was taking the dog out and having a smoke I...whipped IT out... with smoke and beer and mister you-know who in hand. And in mid-backstretch, burp, and exhale...Betty saw my pecker. Yep, she was planting some flowers right at dusk. What did I do you might ask? I simply smiled and raised my beer. Here's to beer and here's to nice neighbors.

My first post on my new blog

I am obviously new to this and it will undoubtedly change as I go along. I hope that this blog will not only entertain, but educate as well. I will most likely talk about what annoys me as well as what makes me laugh. Stories will be told, old and new....some will be all out lies but most will be true.....this is only the beginning. Enjoy.